A lot of folks get into marriage with a lot of wrong expectations. They expect a bed of roses but are shocked to find that with the roses also come a few thorns. The issue of divorce and all the associated drama that goes with it has made some folks regard marriage as a no-no!
The statistics are not encouraging. As of today, the divorce rate among first marriages in the U.S is put at about 50%. It gets higher for second marriages – 67%, and third marriages – 73%.
But what exactly causes problems in these unions? You will be shocked at some of the reasons that people give for getting divorced.
Our focus in this article is not divorce but stopping it from happening. To do this, we must therefore first try to understand the challenges that people have in their marriages, challenges that could possibly lead to separation.
Challenges in a Marriage
Every relationship will face different challenges. There are however a few of these challenges that are more common than others. We will look at some of the more commons ones.
Differences
This may sound a bit obvious but you will be shocked at how much damage this can cause in a marriage. A lot of folks going into relationships fail to understand that they are two totally different people who grew up in different kinds of homes and have different personalities and more.
While some of these character traits attracted the couple, some of them can also drive them crazy.
Finances
This has probably caused more problems than many will care to admit. There are different ways that this can come up. One way is the difference in financial management or financial discipline. One may be a careless spender whilst the other is a careful spender. This can cause issues. In other examples, couples that have the woman earning more than the man usually find themselves fighting some issues.
Sexual Challenges
Some folks make the mistake of thinking that once they get married, all of their sexual needs will be fully met. That is ideal but it is often not the case. A lot of couples have been known to have problems that can be traced to sexual intimacy. One party could feel they are not getting enough while the other could feel too much demand is being made of them.
There is also the issue of what kind of sexual activities the two individuals want. One may want a wild, unhindered experience while the other does not subscribe to wild sex experiments.
Extended Family and Friends
Extended family members and friends have been known to create problems in marriages. Some married folks do not see why they cannot continue to relate with their friends and family members the same way even after getting married. This can cause problems. There is also the issue of interference. Parents or friends could interfere, causing disaffection in the home.
You can check out other common problems that marriages can have here: https://www.verywellmind.com/common-marriage-problems-and-solutions-3144958.
Practical Tips
So, how can you save your marriage and avoid a breakup? Let us look at a few tips that can help you.
Understand that it’s not a Sprint but a Marathon
First, understand that marriage is a marathon and not a sprint. It’s a lifetime commitment that can and should get better with time. Expecting perfection from the very start is sure to lead to disappointment.
Make a Decision to Love
Love is more than a feeling but more about a decision. Relying only on how you feel will be sure to end in trouble because feelings will always change. You can, however, make a decision to love in spite of failings you may find during the cause of your relationship. True love, which is way more than just a feeling will accommodate a lot of failings. Don’t forget that you also have your own failings which your spouse has to put up with.
Communicate
This is one area that many couples fail. Communication is very important. Do not store things up in your mind. When you do this, it accumulates until it finally erupts. Be honest with yourselves, let your partner know how you feel about stuff happening around. The better the line of communication is between the two of you, the less likely you will be to have little issues growing until they become compounded problems.
Never Allow the Kids Take the Place of Your Spouse
When the kids start coming, never forget who your first and true love is. Do not allow a child or children to replace your spouse. The addition of children comes with its own challenges. The two of you should be prepared for these challenges, share the responsibilities and create time for just yourselves in the midst of all the chaos and demands.
Seek Help When You Need it
Do not be ashamed to admit that things are not working. This is part of the communication we mentioned above. If there are things that seem to be beyond you, do not be afraid to seek help. You can schedule some time with a marriage counselor or you can get helpful materials like Mend the Marriage, a very helpful marriage course that is cheaper than sessions with a counselor and yet highly effective. You can get more details about it on this page.
Commit to Succeeding
When a couple is committed to making their marriage work, they will be in a better state of mind to do anything that they need to do to ensure this. Without full commitment, when faced with the slightest of difficulties, they will immediately begin to consider quitting.
The tips or advice we have shared above are simply meant to help you navigate through the sometimes stormy waters of marriage. If you can take these tips to heart and commit to implementing them, you will be pleasantly amazed at the turn around you will begin to experience in your marriage.
