Some days I feel like I’m stumbling through life. I worry I’m not being my best self, in every role I own.
Maybe men experience this too, but as a woman, I feel we are much harder on ourselves. We tend to carry everyone’s burdens, as well as our own while trying to be a well-seasoned hiker.
As I get older I realize that this has gotten me nowhere, this worrying that makes me stumble. It’s easy to tell yourself that everything will be okay. But to feel it is different. To live it is different. To change is difficult.
I find when I have more confidence in my abilities as a woman, I am stronger and more positive. I gain this confidence by actually believing in myself, looking around me and being thankful for the things I have. I have come to the conclusion that if I take life as it comes, moment by moment, and deal with it as best as I can, what more can I expect of myself?
I can choose who’s burdens I carry, and these will be of the people I love and cherish. As women, we have hearts of terrible depth. This works for us and against us. It makes us loving mothers and daughters, wives, lovers, sisters, and friends. I don’t want to lose my footing through these relationships, but if I do I need to know I handled it the best I could.
I am trying to invest in myself. History tells us women who taught and fought against odds and invested in themselves, are still remembered today. I want to know my worth and feel it. By investing in my abilities and acknowledging their worth I feel better. I feel more thankful for the things I have when I know I added to their value. This is as fundamental as our bodies and their ability to create, our emotional tolerance and ability to love.
Taking life moment by moment is a struggle. I always live in the past and think about what I could have done better or how I could have said no. By surrounding myself with people who know me and love me, I am more prepared for this battle. Most importantly, being around women who lift me up and remind me of who I am and where I came from.
For all the women out there, stumbling and getting back up, don’t ever lose the depths of your heart. Be soft and warm, tough and hard. Put your feet into the earth and know that without you, worlds would not exist.
