When I Want To Break Up With My Cerebral Palsy

Why I can not break up with my CP, I do wish we could go on a break from one another. Don’t take as if I haven’t accepted you I have. And as you know, You and I were in this thing called, life for the duration. I just wish I could break away from you just to see what it would be like to have my body move so fluidly like water, instead of struggling with a simple command to move. You are the partner in crime, that when we’re cuffed together sometimes the cuffs are too tight, and I just want to break any because you’re suffocating and overwhelming.
You are often mistaken as the result of an accident, and then when people know the real answer you and I followed with an “oh” and silence. The misconceptions about you, lead people to believe you are something that can be caught if they get too close. That’s not why I sometimes wish you and I could go on a break from time to time…I am 35 now, and the physical sides, in particular, the chronic pain, and continuous spastic muscles-It’s intense.
And if I am being completely honest it scares the holy crap out of me. I get so frustrated and pissed at you. For the simple fact that you’re my body; you’re supposed to work on command. This is the picture that my mind’s eye sees. My legs are tight coils ready to spring, My feet with from feeling as if I am dragging around again cement block, and then go from exposed live wires speaking and jumping with cramps and nerves pain. It’s during this that I wish I could break up with you CP.
 A disability no matter what it is is just a unique opportunity to show up and shine among the rest. I am more than aware of this. But sometimes I wish we could split up just for a little while. But then again, if we did, and I had to  do the whole break up, makeup thing with you and I already do that when I am having a “CP moment.” Having you CP is extremely overwhelming.
The first thing someone sees is the chair, and sometimes I wonder if that’s all they see?
And when I am having a “CP moment” I can only see my faults and weaknesses, and I feel like the uniqueness of having you a part of me is just complete bull. But, I am sure I never dwell on the stuff that having can bring. I realize now, that having cracks in my glass is part of life.  And that cracks are still openings for the light to shine through and show you through to the other side of the obstacle where the opportunity(s) are waiting for you to take them, and soar with them.
How high will you go? Well, that’s all up to you in the end. Take the opportunity and challenge yourself. The only way to grow is to be bold and brave enough to take those first few steps to meet the challenge head-on, and eventually become a victorious team of accomplishment and achievement. That’s what you taught me CP, and when I feel like I am on the verge of a break up with you. I am reminded of the unique opportunities you have given me when we work together, and not against one another like we occasionally do.
Thank you CP. for making both of us an unstoppable, powerhouse duo that we are today.

About Author

Jessica Niziolek

Jessica is a writer and founder of the blog, The Abler. She's a disability advocate and freelance writer for several platforms. She's also a poet, and aspiring YA novelist.

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