When that idea of the family unit is torn apart, and divorce or separation is on the horizon, there can be a temptation to make it just work for us. But we’ve got so many other things to think about, not just the children, but everyone’s sensibilities.
And as divorce can be a very hard hitting process, we’ve got to find ways to make sure that everybody emerges from the flames as best as possible. How can we do this?
Avoiding Petty Debates
If we really can’t get over a little issue, this is what mediation is for. On the other hand, every time you see the person, it can be a stark reminder of the hurt that you’re going through. It’s so easy to fall into the trappings of fighting over little things, but it’s about putting those aside for the greater good.
This is especially true if you’ve got children in the picture. As upsetting as it is to go through this, if there are things more important than us, like our children, then we’ve got to find a way to put those minor issues aside and focus on the big things.
Looking After Yourself
Working towards common ground can mean we undertake a lot of work and stress, so we may stop caring for ourselves. Self-care is one of those essential things, regardless of how difficult the situation is. Looking after yourself doesn’t have to be difficult; it’s about ensuring you fuel yourself with the right things but also taking the opportunity to do the things that will benefit you.
In many ways, we can undertake a work ethic of sorts, so we can get the divorce done, but this won’t do us any favors in the long run. We can feel that we’ve got to get it out of the way, no matter the toll it takes on us. We have to look after ourselves in the littlest of ways, by implementing certain habits and practices that will make all the difference in the long run, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
Communication! Whether it’s with your ex, your children, or even with yourself, the whole process of divorce can stop us communicating, and saying how we’re feeling. And for the sake of the children, communicating with them what’s going on, and doing your best not to dress it up can be more beneficial in the long run.
It’s our instinct to protect our children from difficulties, but this is one problem that is going to affect them regardless of the outcome. It’s far better to instigate open and honest communication so they are in the loop, but they realize that both parents still love them. Yes, you and your partner are going through it, but your children will feel a multitude of emotions, not least guilt.
Making a divorce work for everyone can be achieved, but when we experience hurt, and emotions get in the way, that idea of working for the greater good can fall by the wayside. Remember, it’s not just about the two of you fighting it out.