Author: John Mark Green

We are shaped by our past. More importantly though, we are shaped by the stories we tell ourselves about what our past means. About who we are. We can’t change what we’ve gone through. But, we can alter our relationship to it, and change it’s power over us. We need to tell ourselves better stories. Stories in which we become strong and free rather than remaining prisoners. Ones in which we are the victorious, rather than victims. Stories of new beginnings and good days ahead. In the telling (and living) of better stories, we take on the identity of alchemist, transforming the leaden history of our life into…

Fear is an emotion as old as humanity itself. Though we think of it as a negative thing, fear serves an important purpose. It aids our survival by activating our body’s fight or flight mode in response to perceived danger. Fear’s job is to keep us safe, but sometimes it can malfunction. Because our mind’s fear function is calibrated by the things we have gone through, we can find ourselves over-reacting due to past trauma. An abused animal will flinch away, even from a kind hand. In the same way, fear’s over-vigilance sends us into fight-or-flight mode when no actual…

It’s quite possible to live life without learning from it. People do it all the time, often repeating the same patterns and mistakes over until the day they die. The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates once said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Of course, that was before social media, pro sports, and Netflix were available to make shallow living quite entertaining. While the claim Socrates made was a strong one, I think it is safe to say that to live without awareness is to miss out on the rich potential that life has to offer. One of the…

We don’t have to look far to find people who are unhappy with their lives. Sometimes it’s as close as the reflection in our own mirror. Our unhappiness may be connected with our physical health, a relationship, our job, or who we are as a person. The details don’t matter as much as the fact that so many people stay stuck in a rut, reliving the same misery day after day. And they don’t make any attempt to change things. At first glance, this doesn’t make sense. People want to be happy, don’t they? Why then do so many opt…

Entertainment media often portrays sex as the most potent way that two people can connect – as if sex and intimacy are synonymous. But is this really true? I think intimacy is something far deeper and much more rewarding. When intimacy is already present, then sex can be a way of expressing shared connection.  If intimacy is missing, it is possible to be in a loving, committed relationship, and still be lonely. Like two trains passing each other on parallel tracks, some couples share a life together, but never quite figure out how to cross the gap between them. So…

Life is relentless, and that makes grieving hard. The world keeps on spinning, and after every sleepless night, the sun still rises. The show must go on. There is no pause button to allow you to step off the treadmill of life’s demands, catch your breath, and process your pain. There are people to interact with, for whom you must paste on a smile or at least hold back the tears. Trying to act as if things are somewhat normal when your world has fallen apart is exhausting. Days pass in a blur of slow-motion pain. Grief is an invisible,…

Time has lessons to teach those willing to learn, and when I think about my past, there are many things I would do differently. Since you’re reading this article, I’m guessing you feel the same way. The recognition of our past shortcomings is a good thing. It means we aren’t the same person as we were then. We’ve learned, grown, and changed. While pursuing personal growth, don’t fall into the trap of becoming mired in regret and shame over your past. Always remember that setting the bar higher is about progress, not punishment. It’s far too easy to make the…

I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. To clarify, I was comfortable by myself, but in the company of others, I often felt like I didn’t fit in, and didn’t measure up. Small talk and shallow conversations bored and exhausted me. Social gatherings were draining, and after a couple of hours, I always felt like I was suffocating and had to escape to someplace where I could be by myself. To make matters worse, I felt I didn’t measure up to what society expected males to be. I was bookish, quiet, and in touch…

Our love flows in an endless circle, a single river coursing through my heart, and yours. Our relationship is a conduit for love. We are vessels for this sacred elixir; drinking deeply from each other, as our days become golden. As love grows, it unifies, blurring the boundaries between you and me. Through love, we two are made one. Our relationship has a DNA unlike any other; a new organism, inhabiting the universe. Love’s power flows through our conjoined hearts, strengthening weaknesses, and weakening fears. Through love, your joys and sorrows become mine, and mine are yours. Because we are connected, we feel together.…

Have you ever wondered “What’s the meaning of life?” Various religions and traditions offer responses to this question, and ready-made answers can be very appealing because no deep pondering or mental heavy lifting is required. We are relieved that someone else has figured it out for us. Henry Ford once remarked that thinking is hard work, which is probably why so few people do it. People are happy to be told what to think because let’s face it, we’re busy with education, career, family, keeping up with the Kardashians, and binge-watching the latest series to hit Netflix. Who has time…