An Arduous Affair: What to Do When Your Spouse Is Cheating

There are a few things in life we were never prepared or properly taught how to deal with, such as the sudden death of a loved one, getting into an accident, falling out with your closest friend. Finding out that your spouse is cheating on you could very well qualify among these situations that we barely know how what to do next except give in to the moment and our emotions. But as with all unfortunate and life-changing events, you may feel devastated and lost, but know that you can get through it.

Breathe and Compose Yourself

Whether you’ve been suspecting for a while and finally confirmed it, or if you were caught off-guard, there’s no question that catching your spouse cheating on you can be emotionally devastating. This, in turn, can lead up to a very emotional response on your end. People react differently, some get violent, some become self-destructive, and some shut down.

Whichever the case, it’s important that you take time to breathe. Emotional decisions and actions are rash and can do more harm than good. The bottom line here is that you don’t let your emotions dictate your next course of action. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but you’ll thank yourself later on. If you can, talk about it with a close friend in order to keep your wits together, or take a few hours to let it simmer before you decide on permanent solutions such as calling your divorce lawyer in Albuquerque.

Be the Bigger Person

Don’t start tarnishing your ex against everyone you know. You have to be careful about what to do next, especially if you two have kids. If you start a mud-slinging campaign against your spouse and destroy his image to everyone you know, you’d end up creating more unnecessary drama, and this may even affect you negatively when it comes to child custody matters. Again, if you really need to sling mud or talk badly about your spouse, talk directly to the spouse or only with your closest and most trusted friend in order to vent out and release all the emotional pressure built in inside.

Don’t Involve The Kids (Unless You Have To)

Speaking of kids, it’s important that you don’t involve the children into this mess. If you have to confront your soon-to-be-ex, then do it away from listening ears. Even at this moment of despair, it’s important that you put your kids first and make sure that they’re spared from any drama which can end up influencing them negatively. The last thing you’d want is for them to need a therapist or child psychologist to make sense of everything that’s happening. The only time you should be involving kids is if you and your soon-to-be-former spouse will be talking about the divorce and changes in living arrangements. But as much as possible, have the children stay out of it.

Get A Lawyer

If you’re serious about getting a divorce, then make sure that you get a divorce lawyer to take care of all of it for you. You already have too much going on in your plate, so it’s best to leave it to the professionals. Your lawyer would also be able to ensure that you get what’s rightfully yours in terms of property and even child custody rights.

Have a Support System

You have to start strong, but you don’t have to deal with this alone. You can talk to family and close friends to help you through it. So make sure that you have friends to talk to. There are even support groups for divorced (and soon-to-be-divorced) people that share the same experiences as you and can help guide and support you.

Conclusion

Catching your spouse having an affair can be devastating, but it’s important that you don’t let your emotions get the better of you, and that you always put your kids first. And always remember that you don’t have to go through it alone, whether it’s with your support group to aid you emotionally, or with your lawyer to take care of all legal matters of the separation.

About Author

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Jamie Sanders is a freelance writer for many media outlets. She married her soulmate and writer, Dennis Sanders. Together they live in Boston where they're parents to 2 puppies.

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